"I don't feel that my team members have my back," one of my coaching clients, "Merrall", said leaning forward in her chair during our Skype call.

Watching her posture and expression on the video screen, I could see her frustration with the current situation.

"What does having your back look like?" I asked.

"It means giving me a heads up about situations that could bite me in the backside when I least expect it."

Leading Merrall down the path of clarifying what these "situations" might look like helped her clarify the expectations that she had for her team mates. The next step was setting up a communication plan for each team member so that she could share her needs and expectations with them.

Setting Clear Expectations

I reminded Merrall about not assuming that others knew what she expected of them. Clearly communicating mutual expectations at the start of anything, whether it's with a new project team, new manager, new supplier, new partner, or new customer avoids so much of the "I thought you already knew since we worked so closely together!"

Don't assume that others know what you expect of them and don't assume that you're clear about their expectations of you.

I made a point of reminding Merrall that her team could choose whether they agreed with her expectations of them. She would need to allow them to re-negotiate, if necessary, so that in the end you have a "contract" between you both.

More Trust, More Personal Risktaking

We continued our discussion about how trusting her team could lead to more personal risktaking and a willingness to go outside her comfort zone.

The tack we took next was to explore trust and divided the areas into three main areas:

1. How she trusted others
2. How others trusted her
3. When trust ended

How You Trust Others

The importance of knowing the process you go through when establishing trust with others will help you build your "trust on demand" muscles for when you need them most, e.g., building immediate rapport and trust during negotiations.

Given that effective teaming skills require trustworthiness amongst members, it's critical to learn how to create an initial foundation of trust with others as quickly as possible. In today's fast-moving workplaces, you won't always have the luxury of building trust organically.

Write your answers to the following four questions on a separate sheet of paper or on your computer using your favorite word processing program.

1. How do you know when you trust someone?
2. How do you know when someone trusts you?
3. How do you know when you've lost someone's trust?
4. What makes you no longer trust another person?

How Others Trust You

Do you consider yourself trustworthy? This area is critical area for you to recognize and to be honest when answering the question. If people have trouble trusting you, perhaps, it's because you don't consider yourself trustworthy.

You might not be aware of how you're coming across to people; therefore, it's important to explore this area in more detail in order to build and strengthen your "trust quotient". This is confidence from the inside out.

When Trust Ends

Just as it is important for you to know when to recognize the opening of new doors, it's just as important to honor the ending of a relationship, or the closing of a situational door. Sometimes a door will close "naturally" and other times it may be necessary for you to take the initiative to walk away from an unhealthy situation or environment.

Relationships built on trust can change. People change, situations change, and aspects of our personal philosophy can change. This can have an effect on the trust you once established, but which no longer serves your life or career purpose. Greater pain often occurs when we force a door to remain open beyond the time when it needs to close.