I’m Not Here to Make Friends
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“I’m not here to make friends.” More than any other phrase, the no-friends one is what you’ll hear again and again on reality TV. Check out VH1 blogger Rich Juzwiak’s amazing montage of the phrase uttered (or screamed) here – or hear his discussion of it on Act 2 of the “Frenemies” episode of This American Life on National Public Radio.

“I’m not here to make friends” works well on Reality TV – but careful if you’ve got the same attitude when it comes to your real life at work. Even if you seem worlds apart from scary Omarosa, ask yourself if you’ve ever thought something like:

-“I like to keep my professional and personal lives separate.”
-“I’m here to work – I prefer to have friends outside of the office.”
-“I don’t hang out with people from work.”
-“I don’t have time to make friends at work. I’m too busy.”
You may not be the next Omarosa, but if you find yourself thinking any of the above, you’re closer than you might think to the “I’m not here to make friends,” mindset. Careful if that’s the direction you’re going in – here’s why:

-The not-making-friends thing doesn’t work – not even on RealityTV, where the friend-haters are far more likely to lose the contest, according to Juzwiak. It may seem easier to not deal, be the lone wolf, or just bury your head into your work, but don’t kid yourself. you ARE there to make friends. Smart professionals know that relationships are everything when it comes to career opportunities, landing new jobs, and even keeping the jobs you’ve got.
-Making friends isn’t just about being friendly – it’s a habit that you form where reaching out, building relationships, and networking is part of your ongoing career management. Whether it’s reaching out to have lunch with someone (a former coworker, client, potential new business lead), making five phone calls a day, going to conferences/events on a regular basis – it involves real effort on your part.
-If you think you’re too busy for friends, reprioritize. Your workplace isn’t going to stop giving you more work and your life isn’t going to slow down, and if you don’t force yourself to make this a priority, it won’t happen. Make lists of people you could ask for lunch/coffee, or put “make my five phone calls” in your Outlook and commit to making friends – so that you get this done on a regular basis.
-It’s all life, according to Lawler Kang, author of “Passion at Work.” This concept of work/life balance and keeping work separate from the rest of our lives is outdated, ineffective, and, frankly, pretty impossible. Work takes up far too much of our lives to pretend that we can keep it separate and compartmentalized.
Think about the friends you have in “real” life – the ones that know that real you – and remind yourself what they’ve done to enhance it. Don’t assume the same thing can’t happen when it comes to your career – having friends allows others to see what’s behind the façade, to know what you’re really capable of, and to help you. I’ll take that over Omarosa any day.