It's not unusual for emotional turbulence to happen when we are in transition. All areas of our lives are inter-connected and upset in one can make waves in another. Following are some suggestions on what you can do to "calm the waters" and become productive in your job search. (Thanks to Eric Miller, Brad (Life on Purpose Coach, www.lifeonpurpose.com) and the book, "Do Less, Achieve More" by Chin-Ning Chu.)
Letting go of your emotions doesn't mean to avoid feeling them or suppressing them. Suppressing your emotions can be harmful to your health, resulting in a myriad of physical ailments including heart disease, strokes and ulcers. Instead of suppressing your emotions, become
unattached to them. How?
One of the most effective ways I've found to become unattached to an upset is to actually 'cause' it. Having something happen that results in your automatically being upset is different from recognizing the upset and causing it in a responsible manner. You may find it's actually quite difficult to stay upset when you're causing it rather than simply being at the effect of it, and it can help you move through it and reach detachment sooner.
When you see yourself as a victim, you are not in a position to change how you feel about what has happened, nor are you resourceful enough to initiate change in how you feel about it or what you do about it. Only when we are in a "cause" mode, are we able to see options, be resourceful and access our power to make things happen.
This technique is valuable when facing any problem. A "stream of consciousness" writing, without any edit, of ALL thoughts running through the brain can help you discover what thoughts are running the show. And then you are able to change them or re-direct them.
One of our greatest gifts as humans is our ability to choose what we think and feel. Although at times both thoughts and feelings can seem out of control and running the show, we always have the ability to shift them. In fact, this is a skill that is now being referred to as "Emotional Intelligence" and has been said to be more of a factor in business success than IQ.
So consider this a time of practice, so you can master this "change your thoughts, change your feelings" process before you get the next job. Perhaps you could even add EI to your skill list on your resume!
Once you've unattached yourself from the angst of your emotions, you are better able to deal with what really happened. As Detective Friday used to say in Dragnet, "Just the facts." What happened is almost always different from what you reacted to. What caused the reaction was what you
made up about what happened. Someone say, "We're cutting your bonus 50 percnet," is different from "My jerk of a boss is stingy and uncaring and
let me tell you what he did recently that proves it." Few people in life deal with what's really happening -- only the most effective ones.
Since we're designed to make meaning out of everything, why not make up some new meaning about what happened that will empower life? Notice I
said empowers life, not 'empowers you.' Of course, you're part of life so you're included but look beyond yourself. What meaning could you attribute to the situation that will empower everyone involved? One great place to look is what's the hidden lesson the Universe is trying to teach you. If you've just gone through a huge upset, chances are that you've been offered the lesson many other times. Isn't it time to learn it so you can move on?
Ask yourself, What will I learn from this situation? How is it like other situations in my past (if any)? What can I do differently to keep it from happening again? What "gift" does this situation bring to me?
When all else fails, there are a few cliches that are also truths about life - "This too shall pass" and "Time heals all wounds (if you let it!)." Think back to upsets from your past and how inconsequential most, if not all, of them have become as time passed by.
That's right, whenever you move through an upset, no matter how large or small, celebrate the expansion and growth you've made. As Chin-Ning Chu says, "Rejoice and celebrate each time your heart is broken. Only when your heart is broken can the light enter."
Sometimes, when the emotional turbulence feels like a tidal wave, it is difficult to celebrate the pain we are feeling. The depth of the pain reflects the depth of your capacity for joy. Allow yourself the time to feel the emotions, just don't wallow there. Then celebrate that you are moving on to a new level of understanding, awareness, emotional intelligence, and joy.
This week, try out this simple and effective six-step approach on one of your upsets and see if you don't become much more effective at dealing with your life. The more you practice it, the faster you'll be able to authentically move through the emotional turbulence of life and stay on track to living purposefully.
Remember, don't try to rewrite a resume or schedule an interview when you are in the middle of that tidal wave. Allow it some time to move through. Taking some action on one of the above steps, or even something simple to take care of yourself, will begin to turn things around.
If you are still having difficulty and feel like you are under the wave, instead of surfing it, then consider help from a coach or therapist, depending on the kind of emotional turbulence you are experiencing. Asking for help is a mark of a wise and powerful person.