A recent cartoon on Nickelodeon portrayed two “Rug Rats” playing “Haggle.” One was the store owner, the other was the customer. The customer wanted to buy a toy. “The price is $10,” said the owner. The customer gave him $10. The owner gave it back and said, “No, you’re supposed to haggle. Ask me to sell it to you for less. It’s overpriced at $10!” A comment on our society and expectations?

An article on negotiations in meetings publication offered information on how both sides sometimes pad the numbers. A salesperson might quote a rate higher so there is room for negotiation. This and other tactics are often used between buyers and seller. Perhaps we have come to love the game “Haggle” so much that we have lost sight of the value of straight talk, setting accurate prices and paying what an item is worth. Paying the
lowest possible price at anyone’s expense has become the rule of the day.

We worry about going into an interview and what we will tell them about our desired salary - do I come in high? What if I seem too presumptuous or demanding? Do I come in low? Maybe they will think that I don't value myself enough and that I won't do a good job for them.

Why do we feel the need to play negotiation games? The result of years of merchant/haggler interactions is a lack of trust on both sides. We have created an us versus them environment. Sellers see buyers on one extreme as wanting something for nothing. Buyers see sellers on the other extreme as greedy and overpriced. Adversarial relationships seldom result in a win-win resolution. The upshot is usually two parties who have compromised, given up something they wanted, and now resent it. This resentment results in negative comments to others in the industry and a loss of future
business. The score in the end? Lose-lose. Granted, this is not the outcome of all negotiation situations. It is, however, a condition in much of society today. Fear, mistrust and selfishness are the attitudes of
the day in far too many negotiations.

Negotiation will always be a part of human interaction. Rarely does one’s needs and desires match perfectly with another’s ability or desire to provide them. What would happen if we simply approached a situation by telling the truth, asking for what we want and then being open to negotiation?

Consider how different it would be if the interaction began from a win-win perspective. For example, a meeting planner calls a hotel and says, “I guarantee a minimum of 10 rooms. We may need a maximum of 25 per night for four nights. Our budget is $35 per person per day for the meeting. We will have a minimum of 15 attendees and a maximum of 50. These are my dates. Can you do it within our budget?” This would be “telling the truth” and “asking for what you want.” The salesperson now has the opportunity to look at the numbers and offer the hotel’s best options within or as close to those parameters as possible or decline the business if it’s just not possible. The hotel and the meeting planner both stand clear on what they want. If the group really wants this hotel, the planner can begin exploring options, changing requirements or schedules with the cooperation of the supplier. This can be done since the planner knows all along the supplier will continue to offer the best options in response to the planner’s direct and honest requests. This relationship is bound for success. Even if the planner cannot use the facility because of budget restrictions, this planner will speak well of the cooperation and honesty of the salesperson. The praise may even possibly inspire business from other planners.

I can hear you now, “How can I be sure the hotel won’t charge me $85 for a $75 room if I tell them that’s how much I have to spend?” Or the hotelier, “What is to keep them from ‘nickel and dime-ing’ me to death with
little extra requests?”

A friend told me the story of selling a piece of real estate. He told the buyers that his bottom line price was $164,000 and nonnegotiable. They came back with an offer of $150,000. He told them, “No sale. You didn’t listen to me. The price is $164,000 - not negotiable.” He was ready to walk away from the deal. He was straight and honest with them up front, but they didn’t believe him and tried to negotiate anyway. They ended up buying the real estate for $164,000.

One is never too young to learn how to see what is and is not negotiable. Since she was very little, I would tell my daughter what was negotiable and what was not. She has been taught to ask honestly and directly for what she wants. When I know there is no room for negotiation in discipline, boundaries or activities, I simply say to her, “It’s not negotiable.” She doesn’t bring it up or ask again. She knows she has the bottom line of the situation and responds accordingly.

Perhaps if the other person was approached with the initial information of “I’ve put together my needs and options. This is what I want. This is what is open to negotiation. I want to trust that you will give me your best options to meet my needs. I don’t want to play ’haggle’ with you, but I do want to have clear and up front business with you,” it just might work.

It does work with the Saturn company. Saturn cars are sold under a “No haggle” policy. People who want Saturn cars know they pay the listed price and they know they are getting value they can trust at a fair price. Saturn researched what people wanted in buying cars and “no negotiation” was near the top of the list. Trust seems to be the name of the game because when there is trust, prices are not inflated and no one is “nickel and dimed” to death. When there is trust, there is cooperation, success and long-lasting business relationships.

I encourage direct, honest, clear communication with specific requests and answers in the negotiation process. A willingness for both parties to leave the interaction satisfied is also important. While there may be adjustments to the original requests and desires, there is not a sense of
compromise. In our society, compromise often means giving up or trading off reluctantly - “Well, all right, if I have to, I guess I can...” Compromise of this kind always leaves us dissatisfied and can lead to resentment and revenge (sometimes overt and sometimes subtle sabotage). It
is important to know your acceptable bottom line and stick to it so you don’t sell yourself out in the negotiation or hurt yourself or others later. In fact, compromise, the verb, is defined as “endangering the reputation of.” We need to go back to its root form which is “a mutual promise.” If the compromise reached is one with which both parties are satisfied and they mutually promise to keep their part of the agreement, then relationships are nurtured instead of endangered.

More than any other factors involved in creating successful negotiations are the basics of honesty and integrity. People need to be able to trust that what a person says will match the intention and then the results. Combine that with a sincere desire for a win-win solution and cooperative communication and no one will lose. A healthy, long-term business relationship will then be established.

When it comes to the job interview, do some research about the salaries in your field (there are many internet sites to help with this). Be honest about what you have earned in the past. Know what you can ask for based on your certainty that it is reasonable to the industry and that it reflects the value that you will bring to the company. When asked, answer directly and honestly, feeling strong in your abilities and worth. Know the bottom line of your negotiation range and don't sell out on yourself (it will only create resentment and maybe revenge later!). Respect yourself and the company in your negotiations. If you take that job, you will have set the stage for direct, honest and clean communication and you'll be working for salary you deserve!!!!!!