Suddenly it’s become this thing. I didn’t used to hear it that often but lately everybody’s talking about how their leaders need to tell stories.

The reason most people can’t find their leadership stories is because when asked, they can only remember the stories they’ve been telling at neighborhood cocktail parties or around the family dinner table on Thanksgiving. You know - the one everybody likes about how in third grade you and your brother were chasing each other across a field and climbed over a fence and you stuck your hand on a board with a rusty nail and your mom was mad as hell and youu had to get a tetanus shot. Or the one about how you skipped World Religion class in college and then got your girlfriend’s notes and pulled three all nighters in a row to study only to fall asleep and wake up 12 hours later having slept through the final. Fascinating stories like that.

Those probably won’t work. The reason they won’t work is that it’s going to be hard to make a business point. But trust me you do have great stories some of them personal but with universal themes appropriate for business.

Stories are the way to deliver a message. The reason many leaders pooh-pooh the idea is because they are …afraid. There, I said it. We don’t do that in our culture.

The best speakers and leaders tell stories. They believe events in their own life are worth sharing with others in order to explain who they are as leaders.

Of course they get help. You don’t want to get up and start telling stories unless they’re going to make a powerful point. That would be like picking up a scalpel and performing heart surgery without the proper training. Yes you could use the instrument but the results won’t be pretty.

Fortunately telling stories isn’t heart surgery. Everybody learn to do it well. And everybody HAS stories. I’ll never forget sitting in a session with our consultant Craig Bentley who told his client, “If you’re breathing, you have stories.” Yes, your stories are there, hiding in plain sight in the corners of your life. You just need to stop and look. Then, give them a little love. Say, come here story, I might want to tell you.

How do I know?

Well, for one, we teach storytelling in our boot camps and workshops so I’ve seen ordinary people get up and tell gynormous stories that nobody could guess they had in them. It’s happened a thousand times. We start by asking probing questions to get people thinking about interesting experiences, they work with a partner who asks more questions to get to the “truth” or lesson in the story. You wouldn’t believe how much fun it is to hear these stories and watch these speakers blossom right before our eyes.

If you are wondering whether personal stories really work in business the answer is yes as long as they aren’t inappropriate, x rated or pointless. And if one of our coaches is working with you we’re certainly not going to let you go tell your team how your fraternity got arrested at 4 a.m. in the middle of the football field because you were reenacting the famous all-night streaking party of 1972. We’ll be looking for the kinds of stories that show decisions you’ve made, challenges you’ve faced; transforming experiences that express who you are. You might be surprised to discover how even small, ordinary events can become signature leadership stories that express your viewpoint and make a huge impact on your audiences.

Nobody except perhaps your spouse would be interested your first kiss, but a lot of people would like to know about something you learned in your first job. They’d also like to hear about awkward moments, difficult choices, failures, successes, interesting people you’ve met, and insights you’ve gained by living and facing life head on.

As I always like to say to my clients, you’re leading this group or this company FOR A REASON. Somebody put you here because they saw something in you. So now it’s time to reveal it. You owe it to the people you lead to share insights about the values and principles that drive you.

Your stories about life and career have shaped you as a leader and made you the person you are today. The trick is to be selective; choose the right events, master a process for examining them, and apply the structure for writing and telling a story to make a point.

I am constantly amazed and astounded at the things that happen to people. It’s life! It’s damned interesting! You can look at somebody in a business suit and think “he was born in that suit” until you hear his tale of surviving a storm at sea in a rowboat or how adopting a baby from Romanian orphanage or trekking to a remote mountain village with a broken leg. You always end up in the same place. Everybody has an interesting story. And if you share your stories you’ll make a magical connection with your audience.

You know how a lot of people look at you and think that you’ve been sitting in that big office all your life? They have no idea that you’ve struggled, failed, or overcome difficult situations personally and professionally. Honestly, they think somebody just handed you the keys to the office. As a leader if you can connect with them through your stories you will encourage, motivate and inspire them to work hard and live up to their own potential and I can’t think of a better definition of leadership.

Steps in the storytelling process:

• Think of a challenging situation you have faced, a failure, awkward moment, difficult decision
• Tell the story to a friend, coach, mentor or speechwriter
• Get them to ask you probing questions - what happened, why was that significant, what was the result, how did you feel, why does it matter
• Look for the point inside the story, don’t try to “fit” a point into a story - let it tell you what it’s about
• Record it out loud, then transcribe and edit
• Use a story structure to eliminate unnecessary details and leave only what matters and takes your audience there
• Bring it alive with conversation and colorful descriptives
• Make your point in terms of a universal theme for your audience
• Write it down and save it
• Practice until you can tell it in a fluid, conversational style
• Be sure your point is clear

If all that sounds complicated it’s actually not. Once you learn the process and have the tools, it’s really fun. And let me tell you those stories make speaking a whole lot more enjoyable.

There are disasters. You see them at conferences and company meetings. You know, when the speaker starts a story that goes on forever, and everybody starts squirming or checking their Blackberries. You try to be polite but nobody is that nice. So, you turn to a perfect stranger seated next to you, exchange painful, knowing glances meant to say OH MY GOD PLEASE HELP HIM or LET THIS END.

But don’t let that scare you. You can learn this. Storytelling is not a natural born skill but with the right tools, practice and some guts you can do it. A good story will earn you a reputation as a standout leader in your company and industry. Not to mention you’ll be able to ditch the PowerPoint heroine for a few minutes and actually have a conversation with people.