After attending many a business lunch, corporate event, dinner outing, and more under the guise of “work fun,” (raise your hand if you think that’s an oxymoron ) I feel compelled to write the following, rather obvious statement: Your Fork is not a Shovel. And while we’re on the subject, I might also mention that your knife is not a saw and that your napkin should not be waved around like you’re heading off to a bullfight later on today.

At the risk of sounding slightly obnoxious (won’t be the first time I’ve heard that one, anyway) and a tad Miss Manners-ish, consider the fact that I’ve spoken with many employees who all want to know how to dine graciously and comfortably without making fools out of themselves along the way. Having learned business etiquette the hard way, (ask me about the night I spit spaghetti on my boss’ tie) I realized I had to get business etiquette right.

For all of your well-mannered, elegant readers out there, feel free to forward this on to that oaf sitting next to you. For everyone else, read on:

To drink out of the right water glass, think BMW. Here’s an easy way to avoid drinking out of your boss’ water glass: Think BMW. As you look down at your place setting and scan your eyes left to right, think bread, middle, water. The bread plate (and other food) will always be to your left, and your water glass (and other liquids) will always be to your right.

Keep Your Napkin in Your Lap. Here’s a question that has caused many a sleepless night: When should I put my napkin in my lap? Answer: The minute you sit down. Once your host (the person who has invited you) puts her napkin in her lap, you should follow suit and do the same. Generally, your dining napkin is placed on your lap and folded in half – don’t spread it across your lap like you’re getting ready to have a picnic on it.

Throughout your meal, your napkin stays in your lap. If you need to leave the table, place your napkin in your chair while you are gone. Please, don’t put your gross, ketchup-stained napkin on the table for the rest of us to look at. (In fact, the word ‘ketchup’ shouldn’t even come across your lips during a fine dining experience). And while we’re on the subject of gross, if you’re even thinking of blowing your nose in your napkin, please don’t dine with me, or anyone else who wishes to have an appetite while dining. Ick.

Your fork is not a shovel. It’s not a magic wand, a spear, or something to click against your teeth. It’s also not something to be clenched with a fist, like a little kid holding onto a toy for dear life. Whether you’re attending your first business social event or your twentieth, the moral of the story is always the same: You’re not there for the food or the open bar – you’re there to build relationships. A business lunch or office barbeque is a terrific place for others to get to know you, trust you, and give your career a little boost. Keep the focus off your table manners, so that others can focus on you, instead.